my daddy, papa T

It seems like every holiday, or big day, I am constantly wiping away more tears than normal. Some days I wish we could just get rid of holidays, birthdays, all that just to not have to deal with the memories, and the (more than everyday) hurt and pain they cause. But I am getting better at reminding myself to think of the happy memories and to celebrate their life rather than hurt that they're not here with us. Easier said than done though, one day, maybe, one day. Most days it still just doesn't even feel real yet, and I'm not sure it ever will to be honest. Such a weird feeling, and a hard one to describe at that.

Today we get to celebrate one of the most important guys that was in my life, if not the MOST important. I call him daddy. Let me just tell you a few things about him.

• He worked at Monsanto, he may have always said he hated his job but secretly we all knew he loved it because it's all he would ever talk about. Every single day (and the brothers will back me up on this) he would come home, set his lunch box down and say "kids, make sure you guys go to college so you don't end up like me." I can still hear him saying it. Logan would always joke that when he was older he was going to carpool with my dad to work, haha. Even though he "hated" his job, he did whatever he had to to support his family and I will always be grateful for that.

• Speaking of work, he was the hardest working man I knew. If he wasn't working hours on end at work, he was either doing something with EMT, firefighting, something on the house/in the yard, or washing the cars! (Anyone who knew my dad knows he loved to take care of his cars and keep them clean!) He could never just sit down and relax and hold still. Always had to be up doing something!

• When him and mom had time off work together (on the weekends) we were always gone somewhere doing something. When I was home while J was deployed, there was never a dull weekend where we weren't out doing something, traveling somewhere. Mom and dad both loved to travel!

• Mom and us kids? We were his everything! And there was never a day that went by that he didn't let us know that. From always being there for us, whether we needed a butt kicking or a shoulder to cry on, or just a big daddy bear hug (he would always hug us and give us a big kiss on the top of our head, until logie bear got taller than him ;) how I would love to have one of those big hugs right now. Pretty much EVERY morning before he left for work he would leave a little note for the kids around the house. Could just be a 'good luck on your test', or a 'have a good day' or have a chore list for us, he would ALWAYS write I love you on it.

• How could I ever forget daddy's laugh. And his smile (with his gap in his teeth :) Have you ever been in a movie at the theater and when everyone laughs there is that ONE laugh you can hear over everyone else? That was my dad. Sometimes it was embarrassing but you couldn't help but laugh with him after hearing him laugh. I will never forget one day all the family was upstairs and all the sudden we hear my dad just laughing away downstairs (by himself) we walked down and he was watching twilight just cracking up! He was constantly making us laugh.

• Every night he got home from work, we had dinner at the dinner table, no ifs or buts about it. I don't ever remember not having dinner at the table because he loved having the whole family together to just talk about our days. And now looking back on it, I am so glad I was raised that way and he did that, because I am the same way now. And you could always count on dad to have a funny story or two about his day! He could tell stories all night long.

• He had nicknames for I think everyone he met, haha. Whether it was guys at work, us kids, or our friends. That is how he would remember someone. I will always be his blondie! And just to go along with nicknames, he had to always give everyone a hard time and joke around with them, or try to embarrass you! When I was younger, I was in a school play and he kept telling me he was going to sit front row and yell "casey, i'm your dad!" little did I know he wasn't lying! And to make it even worse? he had put those plastic "bubba" teeth in and started waving at me. Leave it to my dad ;)

• Looking for a car? a boat? a trailer? My dad was the guy to ask to help you look for that! He loved looking what was for sale on KSL. Just one of my favorite memories with him that I will never forget...when Justin was gone to basic training, my birthday that year, he got up that morning and woke me up and told me to get ready he was taking me car shopping. One of the funnest (yes, I said funnest, so what) days I've had with just me and my daddy. We would go to one dealership, test drive a car and drive it to another dealership to car shop there, haha. That's when we ended up getting my G6 and I remember driving home that day and he pulled up beside me at a stop light in the mazda and he raced me all the way home.

• Last, but not least, he couldn't wait to be a grandpa! Ever since J and I got married, he wouldn't come out and say it, but he was already buying things for the grandkids, and would say "this doesn't mean anything!" He would go to garage sales and get little bikes and everything. One day he came home and had bought little baby adidas socks and gave them to me (because he was slightly obsessed with adidas clothing) He had those little socks in the box still sitting on his dresser up till the day we had to clean out their room... </3 ...I know they are just loving being able to be with all their grandkids in heaven...

• He would sing every song that would come on the radio or we would be listening to (his favorite? lady gaga haha) and those have been some of the best memories, turnin up the music in the car with daddy and singing 'bohemian rhapsody'. He would always sing 'I loved her first' to me and has always been protective of his little girl.

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I'm going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first


I could go on and on about my dad, whether it makes me laugh or cry. I miss everything about him! I am so blessed I grew up with such an example in my life, to know what to look for in a man, to know how I want to raise my kids. My little brothers have already been blessed with so many of his traits, especially Logan. He is his twin. When I am with him, I seriously always have to do a double take because he his identical. Looks just like him, walks just like him. And now seeing him married, I see even more of my dad in him. He sure loved loves his little buddies!

 

Happy Father's Day to the best daddy! I love you more and miss you SO much! Thank you for continuing to watch over us. I will see you again <3 

Love, your little blonde girl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

Also, I want to say a very Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband. He has stepped up to something that not just anyone could do, especially in a situation like this. It took someone special, and that's just what I have! He has been such an awesome father role to my little Corban James, and has been such a good example for him. The bond they have is inseparable and we are blessed to have him in our lives! So thank you, J. For everything you do for little man! I know momma j and papa t are smiling down at you for all you do for us! I love you babe!